Questions

How do I order?

Every order is placed on Etsy. Pick your speech on this site or in the Etsy shop, order there, and answer the short questionnaire.

Why Etsy and not this website?

Etsy handles the payment and keeps your order and our messages in one place. And if you're happy, a review there helps the next nervous best man find me.

How fast will I get my speech?

The same day your questionnaire answers arrive, usually within hours, as a formatted PDF. Eulogies are always handled first. If your event is very close, message me on Etsy before you order.

How long is the speech?

Most speeches are timed to about 3 minutes. A eulogy runs 3 to 5 minutes, an anniversary toast about 2, and vows are timed for your ceremony. Each one includes delivery cues and a short guide to help you practise.

Is it written by AI?

I draft every speech with AI tools, working from your answers. Then I review and edit it myself before it goes to you. The stories, the names and the details all come from you.

What happens to my stories?

They are used only to write your speech. I never reuse them, share them, or show them anywhere, including on this site. The sample on the home page is fictional.

Can I ask for changes?

Yes, as many times as you need. Send me a message on Etsy saying what doesn't sound like you, and I rewrite it, the same day. Rewrites are free.

For a eulogy there is no limit and no hurry. If any line doesn't feel true to them, I'll change it, as many times as you need. If it still isn't right, I'll refund you in full. Just send me a message. No explanation needed.

What if it still isn't right?

Then you get your money back in full, refunded through Etsy. Message me within 30 days of delivery. For a eulogy there is no time limit, and you don't need to explain.

Do you write in Portuguese?

Yes. I write in English or Portuguese. Write "in Portuguese" in the personalization box when you order, or tell me by Etsy message. You can answer the questionnaire in Portuguese too. Ver em português.

Can I write it myself?

Yes. The maid of honour speech kit gives you the worksheets, the template and the cue cards, in English and Portuguese, and you write the speech. No speech is written for you in the kit.

Do I need to be a good writer?

No. Rough notes and half-remembered stories are fine. Turning them into a speech is my job.

My occasion isn't listed. Can you help?

Email me at rick@thetoastsmith.com and tell me what you need.